Rants

Oh my gosh.

First of all, my ears are unblocked after going swimming with Melina the other day. Because I didn't know that I have dry, brown earwax stuck in my ears, I was living my life in a quieter world. And after the swimming pool water had mixed with the dry earwax to become damp earwax and came out of my ears, I can hear everything ten times louder and clearer. (exaggeration)

And I know that nobody wants to be here reading about my earwax but this is crappy! I mean like, the fact that the earwax is brown means that it is old earwax which is gross for it to have stayed there for so long until now, since I've not gone swimming for such a long time and since dry earwax is hard to be removed from your ears unless you go for ear syringing. Because in case you didn't know, it's not that I'm unhygienic or anything but you aren't supposed to clean your ears with cotton buds because you may push the earwax further in.

Anyway, the other thing is that I have realised that the world I'm living in is actually so much louder. I understand why Christopher from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time wants to cover his years and groan because of too much noise and information. It is annoying! Eating at the food court today was so noisy. Going downstairs to look at Northvale's Chinese New Year Bazzar was so noisy as the music was really loud. My mother's nagging is now super loud.

And now I also understand why people think I'm listening to my mp3 player at a high volume, when I think it's at a normal volume. I understand why I think I'm playing music on my computer at a regular volume when my mother says it's too loud. And as I'm thinking of the quieter world I used to live in, I start to regret and think of things like, if I could hear better I might have done things differently.

Secondly, 'O' level results are coming out tomorrow! Ahhhhh! Oh my gosh. Have to prepare for the worst. If I do badly I'll have to go to MI. If I do well I can choose either JC or poly. If I wanna get into JC I would want to go to PJC, arts stream. Besides, it's the nearest JC. If I want to study at a polytechnic I'd take mass communication.

If I don't even get to choose between poly or JC, I'd cry. If I fail my science, I'd die. If I don't get at least a B3 for English, I don't even need to consider taking mass communication. Eeeeeeks. Why must we go through such torment?

The night before the first paper, I dreamt that I failed my 'O' levels. That must've been due to the stress. When the 'O' level exams were over, I dreamt that I had gotten really good results; the feeling of relief. Lately, other than dreaming of flying, I dreamt that I got B4 for English. Then I dreamt that I got some lousy results for Math.

I feel like my intestines are twisted up inside.

And a lot of people tell me not to think too much, or in other words, they're trying to tell me not to worry. But worrying is good because worrying means that I'm normal because I worry a lot and if I don't worry and don't even care about my results, it probably means that I see no meaning in life and there's something wrong with me. I am also unable to not think too much because thoughts can flow like a never ending river and when I think, the imaginary voice in my head is speaking and my mind is processing and organising these thoughts.

Thirdly, I don't know why people think that the ending for The Little Nyonya isn't good. I guess they are too used to happy endings. They think that Cinderella and Prince Charming would always end up together. They're disappointed when it doesn't happen. But the ending is realistic because life isn't perfect and you may not be able to be with the one you love.

This is just like how I don't get why lovers like to call each other Romeo and Juliet, because in the end, Romeo and Juliet both die and they don't get to be together. Why curse yourself like that? It is such a tragedy!