today has been a hectic day. lazy to blog about it. maybe at the end of the week.
so i shall entertain you with something i wrote TWO YEARS AGO which i dug up from my PROJECTS FOLDER. hahaha. i think its hilarious and stupid.
but who cares.
NOTE: as i did not edit it at all, it is exactly the way it was when i first wrote it two years ago. so there are probably some grammar mistakes and what not. and i might have wrote it based on the relationships/ friendships in 2006. sorry if i offend anyone in this crappy story- i dont mean to.
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Once upon a time, there lived a fair maiden by the name of nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen. You must always know how many eee’s there are in her name if not you will be beheaded by the king and queen, paulina threehill and xueliloves-bulldogs. Nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen’s sister, koh yiting, is betrothed to the future prince, Alfredo sauce IV. Anyone who makes fun of king and queen’s daughter or their son-in-law’s name is beheaded also. King paulina’s mother, Chrystabel Gonh, is the empress dowager of the kingdom. She would sometimes invite her friend from the neighboring kingdom, Debs the Wan, over for tea in the royal dining hall. The king’s advisor is lee jiajun, who helps to plan and organize royal banquets and parties in the kingdom and advises the king of the important decisions king paulina has to make. Since there is so much beheading going around, there is an executioner Nicholas, who is kind of the keeper of the palace. He ensures the security of the palace and is in charge of the dungeons and prison cells.
One day, Alfredo sauce the fourth and fair maiden yiting was having a lovely evening stroll in the royal garden. As Alfredo sauce the fourth started leaning forward to plant a kiss upon the smooth and radiant cheek of princess yiting, the evil troll by the name of lee maomao suddenly stormed into their romantic moment bellowing, “jonathan leong sucks!” which shook the palace. He was sentenced to imprisonment of the cold toilet bowl. This shows that you must say that jonathan leong from Singapore Idol rocks and always agree with the writer or you will receive bad karma.
Anyway, there was this cute knight by the name of yap zhengjie who came to the kingdom on his gorgeous white horse and claimed to have slayed the fearsome water dragon who lived in the waters of the here-lies-the-all-mighty-water-dragon lake. He brought the dragon’s head, which was made of ice, along the way to threehill’s palace but it seemed to have melted as the merciless scorching sun was shining very brightly. He presented the bucket of water to king paulina and the king was extremely pleased.
On his way out looking as pleased as punch, zhengjie the knight caught sight of princess nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen in the palace hallways with her cousin, princess pei junny and fell in love with princess nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen…………..’s huge, framed portrait hanging on the wall in the hallway. It was a portrait of nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen sketched by king’s advisor cum the well known artist lee jiajun, who even has his own fan club because he is very cute and his works displayed at the art museum are priced for over a billion zillion million trillion pillion gazillion dollars. Knight zhengjie walked along the corridor and saw another piece of artwork which looked like blotches of ink, and at the bottom right hand corner of the painting were the words: ‘made by alfredo sauce’ on it. It wasn’t clear if the painting was made by this Alfredo sauce the first, Alfredo sauce IV’s late great-grandfather, or was it made by the brand, alfredo sauce. Whatever it was, he made a mental note to get hold of some alfredo sauce next time he goes grocery shopping.
By the way, princess pei junny is the cousin to princess nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen and princess yiting. Her father, who is king paulina’s brother, is prince Benjamin. Prince Benjamin has had a lot of girlfriends but has not settled down with one. All three princesses are good friends with one of the ladies-in-waiting, Denise. Denise attends to them and sometimes make tonic for them to drink, which always has a magically sweet taste.
The princesses’ nureeeeeeeeeeeeeen and yiting have two bodyguards, Bertrand and Ming Shen. King paulina employed them to take care of his daughters, as well as look out for his niece, princess pei junny. These two bodyguards carry guns, wear tuxedos and black sunglasses, having a radio earpiece on each of their ears, which they use to communicate to each other or to people at the palace. They are swift and alert, which makes them the best for this job that entrusts them with the lives of his majesty’s daughters. They protect the princesses in case of any form of attack, danger, or assault, and follow them wherever they go.
The court jester, or as known as the joker, is kuan keong. Although he is not so old fashioned to dress the way jesters do in the Middle Ages, with bright coloured clothing and funny hats with jingly bells at the end, as soon as he enters a room and begin with his funny acts, people start laughing. He is the funniest guy in the kingdom but sometimes his crude jokes may be insulting and sarcastic, which is the reason why some people dislike him at times. Because of his sense of humour, there is also a fan club made for him, in conjunction with LJJ FC (lee jiajun fan club), although it is not as popular because this joker is currently taken. His heart has been stolen from a princess of a distant kingdom, the one whom he has dedicated his life and is the only one for him.
In the huge palace, there is a magical chamber made specially for the wizard tan weijie, who helps king paulina with his magic potions, antidotes, and spells. The palace chief chef and his helpers, who prepare all the royal dishes, is yeo weimin. It is rumored that his head, that resembles an egg, is the secret of his success of producing the finest delicacies you have ever tasted. Some say it contains the most delicious sauces and ingredients we have never seen. Of course, those are just rumors. What lies in that big egg like head is a mystery unknown to us. But the peasants and villagers are assured that king paulina has chosen wisely of those who are working in the palace as his foresight has never been wrong.
At the far side of the land, there is a dark side of the kingdom located in the south, where the evil witch, HX lives. She used to be known as Mrs. you know I know that you know that I know that you know that she knows that we know that they have known the unknown, but her husband disappeared. Some say she has eaten him alive, while others think that she has enslaved him as her zombie undead like creature who serves her from hand to foot. We may never know the truth, as anyone who goes near her scary castle is killed instantly. There is also an invisible force field around her lair, which prevents trespassers from going anywhere near her home. She comes out of her dark castle once in every seven years, as seven is the most magical number. Witch HX and wizard weijie have been rivals and enemies since the dawn of time, and although weijie says that there is no such thing as seven being the most magical number, the king paulina threehill and queen xueliloves-bulldogs always take extra precautionary measures once in every seven years, as we may never know how the wicked witch HX is going to strike during that period of time.
If you still remember, the troll, lee maomao, was locked up at the cold toilet bowl for saying jonathan leong sucks. He was locked in there for one minute until king paulina felt sorry for him and released him for a court session about his serious offense. His lawyer was the best lawyer in the kingdom, Mr. Bryant Ng, and the other lawyer was Mr. Francisco Leon Jordan. Convict lee maomao pleaded and ask for forgiveness from the Supreme Court and admitted his mistake and assured that he would repent. The jury, consisting of Yee Jen Siong, Samuel, Ning Zhi, Vanessa Voong, and Beatrice Tan, decided to let him go. Lee maomao then started on his sad tale that he stumbled upon a delicious ice cream cone with his favorite flavor on the ground, and ate it up. He then started evolving into a troll. The empress dowager Chrystabel sent for the royal palace wizard Weijie then gave him a potion to go back to his normal self again.
Mr. Bryant Ng and Mr. Francisco Leon Jordan are usually found dressed in smart looking suits as they are always busy with court cases, meeting clients every single day. They are very good in the English language and are the best two to look for about advice for legal matters. Their style of speaking and writing is certainly intimidating, but the only thing is that they have a funny accent when speaking the second language, mandarin.
The enchanted land of the west is where the fairies live, prancing around doing their little dances and fluttering their shimmering and sparkly wings. These fairies are tiny creatures who live at the heart of the forest of the west. They live in a tree and use mushrooms as umbrellas. They have small amount of magical powers and spend their time playing and sprinkling glitter dust. The fairies that inhabit the land of the west have four main elements.
The leader of the water element is fairy Shuangyu. She uses her element to have characteristics of marine animals, which her favourite is fish, and is able to breathe underwater and communicate with the animals in the sea like dolphins and whales. She can control the form of water and she practices her skills at the beautiful waterfall in the forest. The master of the fire element is fairy Jingyi. She has heat vision and is able to blast out fire and burn an object with her fingertips.
Fairy Wenxi had received the element of light at birth, which her light and cheerful personality suits her element very well. Her source of energy is from the sun and she fights off enemies with her lightning bolts. Her light rays are powerful and also useful in the dark. The air element is taken by fairy Wendy, with her awesome flying techniques and graceful dances. She likes dancing joyfully in the wind, and has the power of invisibility as she can blend into the air molecules and is able to create strong gusts of wind. She can cause hurricanes and tornados or even sandstorms.
Shuangyu and Jingyi have both successfully earned the power of healing, while Wenxi and Wendy gained the power of teleportation. The four fairies keep the peace in the part of the west.
There are villages at the North and East of the kingdom, and the palace is situated in the center of the land. In the North, it is warrior Jun Ting’s homeland. It is where he grew up in and learnt all his taekwondo moves. He lives there in his humble home with his wife Ning Zhi and son, Samuel. Sometimes they attend court sessions to help the king be part of the jury. Jun Ting is king paulina’s loyal warrior, and will always be there to help the king during the time of need.
Lee maomao, the guy who was once a troll, is a wanderer who grew up in the East and went out to seek adventure. He was noticed by king paulina and was made a warrior as well, to serve the kingdom and garner loyalty and patriotism from the people.
The warriors, troops, and soldiers of the kingdom are all under the leadership of General Lim Kai Herng. He leads the army troops which are split into different sections which each warrior is in charge of, and has training schedules to be physically fit and defend the kingdom. Although he can get quite big headed at times saying “KH is KING”, king paulina does not mind much. But if a soldier makes him angry, stay away. General Lim Kai Herng may go into a rage and explode, which makes him up to the job to ensure the trainings are tough and the defense systems are excellent. When he goes nuts about fighting and becomes a bit sadistic at the battlefield, he would exclaim enthusiastically for his soldiers to “rip out their guts!!” and “skewer the nostrils!! Make them suffer!” well, somewhat like that.
There is a wrestling arena at the village in the North, and the famous unbeatable wrestler so far is Jasher. There have been some mindless people who challenged him for the cash prize, but they just contributed to the business of the wrestling arena, entertaining more spectators. And after being beaten, they end up coming out of the building talking like twits, a black eye here and teeth hanging out of their broken jaw. Peasants go there to watch the show, bidding on the outcome of each match.
Zili is the famous name you would probably hear about the kingdom, as he is the famous rebel of the society. Zili and his gang start riots and strikes, but only when they feel that something is not right or that there is some form of injustice in the land. They are unafraid to speak their mind and scold vulgarities whenever they want. Rebellious as they are, they like to go against the higher authority and make their voices heard.
In the southwest, there is a stadium where the annual Olympic Games are held. It is an exciting event not to be missed and this year’s Olympic Champion is Alvin. He loves Christ and his favorite book of all time is the bible. He always carries it in his hand and prays to God before the competition. A cross is worn around his neck to be secure and represent that God will be with him no matter what happens. His Christianity and behaviour of placing God with such high respect must have brought about his shining rise to his dream of being an Olympic champion, which he has fulfilled.
NOTES..
have not included
Vanessa (reporter/ pianist?)
Jen siong (dragon tamer)
Beatrice (sorceress?)
Jonathan (pixie?)
Melina (church choir)
(i never got to finish it)
