:(

since it was the last day before the exams, i decided to do my detention today for being late on the 12th of april. hahas.

okay i admit- seeing that i failed four subjects really sucks. its like, i'm taking eight subjects and i'm only understanding four. which are the only four that i'm interested in anyway- english, chinese, literature, SS + history. its depressing. i have absolutely zero interest in math and science, and i could be slowly giving up a math.

after school i went straight to the st john room to do the attendance record thingy for term 2 which was to be given to miss lim. i already typed out the names of all the sjab members from sec 1-5 and their respective classes in a table, with 3 empty columns for the three trainings we had, and printed it out. i quickly ticked those who came by checking with the attendance lists in the secretary cupboard and completed the list. then i searched for miss lim but was unable to find her until i walked pass 2e1 and saw her teaching. i asked shiya, who was at the spiral staircase checking the sec ones' uniform, to help me pass it to miss lim instead but she said she wasnt staying long so i suggested for her to pass it to yunqian. i also printed out the website for the sec ones to do their SANA online project and stuck a yellow post-it note on it, saying to remind the sec ones to do the SANA project before 30th April which was the extended deadline, or they wont get their badge. this was also passed to yunqian, and i left for detention.

at the detention room, i actually intended to study for the physics mid year paper tomorrow but i ended up reading my library book because physics is boring and reading is more interesting. so i just sat there alone and read and read. suddenly, i heard atiqah's voice from outside the detention room, asking the prefect on duty whether she could see me. i went out and met jingyi, amalina, shuangyu, atiqah and yunqian. shuangyu asked me about the stuff i passed to yunqian to confirm about what to do. yunqian asked me whether i want to eat lunch after that.

when it was nearing the end of detention, the prefects marked attendance and ms koe came. she first gave out the ezlink for this guy who came to school late today. the rest of us came late on different days, so we told her the respective dates and she went to take our stuff. i heard cecilia's voice so i turned back and saw her sitting behind me with a friend. we talked for a bit. then ms koe came back and returned our belongings. i finally got back my emily the strange wallet. i'm already using another one anyway, since the one i surrendered was going to spoil already. it was another emily the strange wallet but a nicer and smaller one. hahas. matthew gave it to me last year as a souvenir from malaysia.

when i went out of the detention room, i headed towards the st john room but then i heard ly's voice. he was sitting at the tables outside the staffroom and had all my books that i left in the st john room. turns out that the rest had already left the st john room and as shuangyu had to return the key, she asked ly to take all my books. i didnt know he was waiting for me, so i was quite surprised. matthew was waiting for me as well but he was at paul's house. i called yunqian and she said that they were going to the back of school to eat but after that she called back and told me that she's going home and the rest are going to westmall instead because macdonalds was full and at kfc, guiyong was there was jingyi refused to go in. so i decided not to have lunch with them. i called matthew and asked to meet him outside kfc and totally forgot to tell him to bring jiajun along or somebody, since i was with ly. i thought i told him but actually, i told yq.

so it was totally weird! i mean, the three of us, walking to westmall from there. when i talked to ly, matthew listened to his ipod and walked silently behind. when i talked to matthew, ly didnt say anything. but ly did talk to matthew, only for a while. then i asked if they wanted to eat but both of them didnt really want to. so i remained hungry. went to popular to buy some stationary since i had to be prepared for the exams. matthew asked if i wanted to go to bukit panjang plaza as he wanted to buy some earphones there. so i asked ly if he wanted to come with and he said no. so ly went home and just let me go to bpp with matthew.

after he left, matthew said that if he was ly, he would never let me go to bpp with him.

i admit i was disappointed, but a few weeks back i had already realised that he wasn't boyfriend material, so deal with it.

right up till today. i couldn't just deal with it anymore. i sent that text message.

that text message that matthew helped me to compose. but i edited it a little. the other day when i went to bpp with him and ate this cheesecake at starbucks that he bought for me. he said he stole some of my lines from the time when i broke up with him. (i told vera this and she said that he stole HER lines, because she was the one who helped me to come up with these stuff)

we went to the popular and bpp and he asked me to help him choose between two earphones. i helped him pick this black and white one. then we went to kfc and had some food. he started using the earphones and let me listen to music on the other side.

ly called but i didnt pick up so he called matthew. then he asked me this weird question: i love you. do you love me?

so shocked right? then i said that everything was very clear in the sms. so i guess he didnt want to talk anymore and said ok byebye.

i also felt like crying then, but i held back my tears. after some time it got "absorbed" back into my eyes.

i feel so terrible.

i told matthew that im never gonna date again. he texted me at 10.35pm saying "lols. dont even want to talk to me ar? okay...anyway, all the best for tmr exams :) hehs. sleep early. and smile. you sure you dont want any bf? what if i want to date you... then cannot. then wasted. like...wtf?"

sighs. he also asked me before whether he had a chance at last year's chalet. when i said "actually.. have lah", he was like, "aiyah wasted!"

weird people. but nice. im the horrible one.